CBM Intern – Why Me?
By CBM National intern, Jamie Carpenter –
As I complete my first month at Camp Ta-Pa-Win-Go as a CBM National Intern, I look back on these past five months and I realize it has been an amazing ride. I have learned so much during my time here and I have also dealt with many different things. I knew I loved camp ministry, but it has been incredible to be involved in the every day work. Watauga, TN is a very small town and it does not contain much. It is a road and that’s it. (I’m exaggerating a little, but not really.) It is very cold here, VERY cold. I have experienced one big snow so far and it was absolutely beautiful. I did not want to walk through it for fear of ruining it. God’s handiwork is just so amazing. I am in awe of Him more and more each and every day. I love seeing the work He does in and through everyone around me.
I often wondered why God chose me for the internship. I would ask Him, “Why me, God? This could have been an amazing opportunity for so many other people, so why did you choose me to do this?” When I began the Internship, I felt very under qualified. I didn’t think that I had what it takes to go through a program such as this and I thought for sure that I was going to fail. However, after completing my first four months at CBM’s National Headquarters, I began to see why God called me here.
Like I mentioned before, He has taught me so many things. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to step back from the outside world and focus on my relationship with the Lord. I am so thankful for His goodness and mercy because if I had to live without them, I would not be here. I would not be able to have the opportunity to witness to thousands of children everywhere. I am also thankful for His peace. I constantly struggle with anxiety and I constantly have to talk to God and ask Him to just give me peace. I realize that I worry way too much and my heavenly Father does not give me worry. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I know that my fear is not of Him and it is only Satan trying to trick me.
I have come to the conclusion that the root of all this fear and worry is from the lack of trusting God. I, myself, know that I have a habit of trying to control everything. I always want to know what is going to happen next and I want everything to go my way. In my mind, I know that all I need to do is give everything that I am holding onto over to the Lord and it will all be taken care of. I am aware that I will no longer worry or be afraid because then I will know that God has it all under control. For me, it isn’t that easy. I have heard story after story of how people have not trusted God with their plans and it didn’t end well. The issue is we shouldn’t have a plan because it is never about our plan, only God’s. We do not know what tomorrow holds, but God does. I can rest in the fact that God has my best interest at heart and He will never let me go or leave me.
So, again, why me? He allowed me to enter CBM’s National Internship so that I could come to my senses and realize that this is God’s world, not mine. I belong to Him and not myself. Each time I attempt to do something on my own, God knocks me right off my feet and I have to get up, pray and ask forgiveness and start all over again. I grow to love Him more and more each day.
“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” -Philippians 4:5-9