CBM Intern – Decisions, Decisions

By CBM National intern, Rebecca Colson –

The past couple years of my life I’ve had to make many decisions. What college do I go to? What do I major in? How do I spend my summers? In all those decisions God has provided guidance. Often times I would take steps toward one option and God would redirect me towards another. Even though I’d often find myself bumping my head against closed doors, I kept trusting the Lord and seeking His guidance and provision.

Last fall, in 2016, I faced the biggest decision yet. What do I do after college? For this one, I decided to figure it out on my own.

I’ve known since I was still in high school that God has called me to do some form of youth ministry. For much of my life I’ve also had a passion for cross-cultural mission work. While at college I discovered a way to do both and earn a living at the same time: teaching English as a second language. I had heard about a missionary couple that went to East Asia and taught ESL together that were able to live off one salary and pay off their student loans with the other. Most organizations were looking for adult, native English speakers with four-year degrees. Simple enough, I was already an English speaker—all I had to do was get my degree. I could pay off my loans while doing some ministry at the same time, and then be ready to go into whatever ministry God wanted me to do.

Simple. All I had to do was finish my senior year.

I’ve always dealt with a lot of stress when it comes to school work but never as bad as the stress I had during my fourth year of college. The first semester I barely managed to pass all but one of my classes. While my parents thought it might be wise to take the next semester off, I insisted on going back and finishing on time. I could do it, I told them. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough on my own and collapsed under the pressure. I gave up on one class, then another. By finals week I had stopped going to classes all together and sunk into an emotionless depression. I couldn’t even finish college, how was I supposed to survive in the “real” world? I had looked my weakness and inadequacy square in the face and been left paralyzed. I’d simply given up—on school, on life, and on myself.

But God never gave up.

He sent friend after friend to check on me and challenge me. When I no longer cared about myself, God still did. When I was too weak to even roll out of bed, He was strong. When I was anxious and fearful, He was patient. When I finally began seeking God’s will again, I realized how very tightly I was holding on to my plans and my dreams. As He has done so many times before, He told me to surrender. And I did. Let me tell you, there’s no greater relief and peace than trusting in God. It was only once I was surrendered to whatever God had for me that I finally had peace and hope again. I still had no idea what I was doing. I had no job, no degree, and no plans. But I had hope.

Then God reminded me about the CBM internship. He used a friend and our conversation was simple.

“Hey, Rebecca.”

“Yes, David?”

“Do you have any plans for the fall?”

“No, David.”

“Have you thought about the internship?”

“Yes, David.”

That next weekend I submitted my application without a hint of the anxiety or uncertainty that had accompanied my attempts to fill it out before.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9 Paul writes, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I am so very weak, but God is more than sufficient for me. Whatever decision you’re facing right now, whatever plans you need to make, surrender them to God. Scripture tells us that He is worthy and deserving of our trust. I can tell you I have seen that truth in my own life. I still don’t know what I’m doing after this internship, but I’m at peace with that. I know that the Lord has a plan for me.

Edited by CBM National

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